Top Five, the Best of the Best
Passed along by Steve Bass, PIBMUG
By far, the Top Five List is the funniest thing I subscribe to. (And if you think
you're funny, you can contribute to it.) Even though I mentioned it last month, here
are more details...plus a sample. To subscribe: Send a message to "Majordomo@news.zdnet.com"
with "subscribe topfive" in the body of the message. To unsubscribe:
Send a message to "Majordomo@news.zdnet.com" with "unsubscribe topfive"
in the body of the message.
For further info (including how to become a contributor): Send an e-mail message
to "top5@walrus.com" with the word
"INFO" in the *subject* line of the message. Here's a sample of
what you'll receive:
The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing
___ www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...
1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. ***
Selected from 140 submissions by 47 contributors. Send items to top5@walrus.com with
"MAYBE" in the subject.)
Thank you for your patience and understanding.
You can visit the author's web site at www.megd.com/
or write at netresearch@megd.com.
[* The Top Five List top5@walrus.com or www.topfive.com. *** 1. Too Damn Hard To
Type With Paws. Steve Bass is a contributing editor with PC World and president of
the Pasadena IBM Users Group. He's currently working on a program that relates phrenology
to computer speed. It's been a bumpy road.
USER GROUP EDITORS: Articles posted in this area have been cleared for publication
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and/or updates. Please ALWAYS credit the original author!